OLD FRIENDS

I had the chance to chat with an old friend today.  This friend and I go back almost 30 years - eek -hard to believe!  He is one of those friends that I only speak to once a year - maybe two years, but none the less it feels like yesterday.  We spent our time catching up on all that is new in our lives and where we are - where we’re going.    

I realize that those types of friends, the ones you’ve had forever - even though you are not going out for drinks or making lots of new memories together - they serve such an important role.  We discussed the fact that we are forever bonded over those memories, those pivotal moments, those formative years.  I think it’s necessary to have those friends in your life to help you remember who you once were.  To remember those parts of your life that were so long ago - another life time, really.  Similar to how my brother was there to confirm that time that my mom did in fact back hand me across the dining room table for being snotty or to recollect how she used to take us to Charlie’s restaurant for our birthdays and we ordered chocolate eclairs for dessert.  So too, old friends fill in those gaps for non family times.  Like the day we watched a gigantic oak tree fall in total silence in Steep Rock, or getting into Checkers bar under age and drinking pitchers of beer only to puke it all up on the walk home!  Ah - youth!  

Being a 40 something adult - mother with kids - responsible ALL the time, its hard to remember who I once was - good and bad.  While I’d like to think I was generally the same person, I know a lot of growing up has happened since then.  There were dumb things done, awful things said, as well as wonderful moments experienced.  Thankfully  old friends were part of it.  Friends who help bring me back to those times - in a good way.  Friends who help to reinforce the person I’ve  become today - thanks to those times shared way back when…

So readers - who are those old friends for you?  Have you talked to them recently?

BALANCE

Balance is one of the most precarious concepts to achieve.  Whether you are talking about the physical - anyone who owns a VewDoo balance board knows what I mean, or the state of mind.   To live a balanced life - this is on everyone’s to-do list, isn’t it?  But what does that actually entail? 

There is the work time-home time balance.  You need enough work to feel productive, but not so much that it stresses you out or keeps from witnessing your children grow.  You need enough time to enjoy your family - but not so much that you all go stir crazy and can’t stand another minute with each other. (Can you say Snow Day?)

There is the family time - me time balance.  Again, you need to be a part of the greater whole, in order to really know, love and support one another.  But there needs to be a little bit of ‘me-time’ in there lest you become a cranky, nasty, grump!  You’ve got to plan those weekend get aways without the kids, even without your spouse.  It's a necessary component to balance!

The junk food versus healthy food balance.  The ‘going out to eat’ versus ‘cooking at home’ balance.  The ‘giving in to your kid’s whining’ versus ‘saying no-standing firm’ balance.  You need to balance how much you socialize, how much TV to watch, how many alcoholic beverages you consume.  And of course, how much to listen to your own nagging voices telling you to balance better! 

If it weren’t hard enough to balance our own lives we need to help our children find balance as well.  Many of our children are fortunate enough to play sports or be involved in the arts.  However, down time is a necessity in their little lives or they will burn out!  Jeff D. Opdyke wrote an article in the Wall Street Journal, about himself and his son.  The son had played travel soccer, made the elite teams, done all the right camps and was well on his way to a touted soccer career.  Until he turned 14 and announced he never wanted to play soccer again.  Ever.  This is becoming the norm.  

We are pushing our kids so hard in the direction we think they should be going,  that they reach a point of breaking.  Why do we feel the need to have our children do everything?  My own kids do piano, choir, band, soccer and skiing - every week.  And I am opposed to over scheduling!  But I also know the pressure of not wanting my kids miss out on things.  

In our society it’s all or nothing.  Travel soccer is either all year round or not at all.  Hockey, gymnastics, swimming - all are massive time commitments of 4-5 days a week  or more - or you can’t participate.  Where is the balance in that?  Why can’t we as adults recognize this?  Why can’t we allow them to play a sport casually rather than intensely?  Why must we treat it as a career choice at the age of 9?

In the end, balance is about learning how to say no.  Learning to say to ourselves, “It’s okay to miss out on this”, or even better to say, “It’s more important to miss out on this than put myself out of balance.”   Sometimes our children say no and we ignore them - telling them they are part of the team and must go.  Other times they insist they want to go (but are clearly past the point of over-tired), and we must show them that it’s okay to say no, to miss a game or a practice - or even to not participate in a sport!  I’m often amazed at how many of us don’t listen to our kids who say “I don’t want to do that!”  But if we don’t stop to listen then who will? 

So dear readers, do you find balance in your own lives? If so, how to do achieve it?  How do you help your children lead a balanced life?  How can we, as a society get to a more balanced point?